Sunday, August 22, 2010

The Extreme Adventures of Super Dave. §§§§

This IS the worst film ever. The cinematic equivalent of being tossed to Hitler's mad doctors and experimented on while bathing in pure LSD that had been pissed in by fucking SS troops. Its so bad, I don't even want to look up my journal notes about how bad it is. I know, everyone kinda likes Super Dave. His lameass little skits are amusing and often LOL funny. Those are bait. Like Marlene Dietrich in underwear singing something bohemian while twirling tassles while overhead a huge iron cage leading to the mad doctors, band saws, and the lsd bath swings from a huge iron chain with stupid Hitler waiting for you to approach her so he can pull the lever. Nothing I can say would sound as bad as it is though. Go ahead. Watch it. Remember I told you not to. It even has Ray Charles in it. How bad can it be. Dumbass.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

The 41-Year-Old Virgin Who Knocked Up Sarah Marshall and Felt Superbad About It. §§§

No, I will not watch this movie. It only gets §§§ though. Because it doesn't have Godzilla in the title. If they make a sequel entitled 'The 41-Year-Old Virgin Who Knocked Up Sarah Marshall and Felt Superbad About It vs. Godzilla', I'll not only watch it. I'll even give it §§§§ in advance.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Clash of the Titans 2010 §§§§

OK. Most of this movie is just a little bad. It kinda sucks. There are dead spots. The writing isn't really very good. It lags. There are moments that just aren't as funny as they probably seemed when filming them. I mean it has moments, it isn't totally horrible. I'd probably give it an § or if I were feeling charitable, I wouldn't even post it here. But then, Zeus (badfilm veteran Liam Neeson) says REELEEZSTEEE TEH KRAAANKENNNNN! and all the bad writing, overzealous effects work, half-ass characterizations, and horrible concepts all fall right into place to earn it a REELEASE TEH KRAKEN!!!!!! Zeus and Hades mudwrestle to the death. Perseus fires a lightning powered ballistic knife at Hades. Goofy Scooby-Doo guy goes crazy and starts huffing glue and killing his 12-step sponsor. More things that I have attempted to blot out from my memory. The one thing I *CAN'T* blot from my memory though. Is that there is going to be a sequel. I may have to add a new rating. This is the movie to take your kids to if they haven't done their homework and there's a porno theater around the corner so you don't have to sit through it.